


if you must weep (do it right here in my bed as i sleep)

by hnnng



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Nightmares, One Shot, Pre-Canon, Speculation, Tragedy of Duscar, intsys wtf is the deal with patricia pls, mentioned death, no beta we die like Glenn, oops i made it sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 20:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21277130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hnnng/pseuds/hnnng
Summary: “Shhh, Mitya,” she cuts in, sensing that he is teetering close to bursting into tears. “It will all be okay. You’ll be okay. As long as I’m here, you’ll be safe, dear one.”





	if you must weep (do it right here in my bed as i sleep)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "You" by Keaton Henson. A beautiful song that I find fits Dimitri rather well :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

She doesn’t have much time for this. Patricia is acutely aware of the fact that Lambert has taken notice of her absences, which have been growing in frequency as of late. She seems to be convincing him with the notion that she misses her brother terribly, however.

“Patricia, you must insist to ride separately, understood? Otherwise, we can not guarantee your escape,” Volkhard says in this somewhat new tone of his. It wasn’t all that many years ago when her brother had been a pious man who spoke warmly in a regal-like manner. Now, his words are all dripping in cold calculations. 

Patricia knows she is being kept in the dark on many aspects of the plan, yet she’s stuck in place by the knowledge that her El is out there in the Empire. Patricia has been waiting for so very long. Waiting to be able to wrap her arms around her daughter and spin her in a joyous, tearful embrace. So, she nods her head.

“I understand, brother.”

* * *

Patricia sleeps in an empty bed later that night. Lambert is off doing the duties one must do as a king. For a while, she stares holes into his side of the bed, feeling small in their large chambers. The only sound she hears aside from her own breathing is the whistle of the cold Faerghus wind. She’s never been a fan of colder weather.

She cannot rest like this. So, Patricia rolls over to face the window sill and pretends she can see Enbarr from it. Enbarr, where El is. Enbarr, where she herself will soon be. This hope is what she falls asleep to.

What wakes her is the sound of sniffling and the faintest dip in the weight of the bed. For a moment, she thinks that Lambert must be coming to retire for the night, done with his royal duties. But this is not the case, however, as she finds out when she rolls over to see for herself.

“Mitya? What’s the matter, darling?”

She sits herself up and afterward, she quite quickly feels Dimitri latch to her side, pressing his face into her shoulder. He’s shaking, shoulders heaving with each shaking breath. Patricia carefully reaches up her hand and smooths out his long blonde locks.

“Did you have a nightmare?” She asks, ever so gently. 

A stiff nod against her shoulder. She can feel the dampness from his tears on the fabric of her nightgown. Dimitri chokes out a small sob, clutching tighter to her. She softly shushes him and strokes his hair.

“Do you wish to talk about it, sweet one?”

His head pulls away from her shoulder, blinking tears out of his eyes. Patricia is struck by how young he looks. Dimitri is at the age where many would say he is too old to be coming to her when he has a bad dream, but she will hear none of it. If he wishes to seek comfort from her, then so be it. She will not be the one to turn him away, weepy-eyed and looking so very small for a boy of thirteen years.

“I-I couldn’t find you or Father,” he starts, voice shaking. “P-people were fighting—there was a fire, and I was all alone, and—”

“Shhh, Mitya,” she cuts in, sensing that he is teetering close to bursting into tears. “It will all be okay. You’ll be okay. As long as I’m here, you’ll be safe, dear one.”

Patricia pulls him close and wraps him up in her embrace. Dimitri has not matured physically yet, thus making him small enough to still be held. After a few moments of her gently whispering to him, he speaks. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” he asks, voice still wobbling. “I—I know I’m not supposed to because—“

“Nonsense, Mitya. Rest now. I promise I’ll protect you.”

So, he lies cuddled in her own arms, their backs to the window. Eventually, the shaking of his shoulders ceases and she can tell sleep is taking a hold of him. But then, she hears him shift in the bed, lifting his head upwards to speak.

“Love you, Mother.”

Mother. That word. The word of which she is not just to the little boy cradled in her arms, but also the little girl somewhere out there in the Empire. 

Oh, how can she do this? She loves Dimitri and Lambert, truly. But also, her daughter is still awaiting her. A pang of grief stabs through her. Can she not have both her son and daughter? Must she choose? 

But it’s too late now. The date has been set and Patricia will soon become a dead woman to the Kingdom. She knows nothing more of the plans than what has to do with her.

She shakes herself out of her thoughts. For now, she will focus herself on the boy dozing in her embrace. Although she faintly realizes that his chest is steadily rising and falling, characteristic of someone who has been taken by slumber, she pushes some of his blonde hair behind his ear. She hopes that her voice reaches him in his sleep.

“I love you too, my little lion.”

* * *

_ “I promise I’ll protect you.” _

It’s a promise she can’t keep. She told her husband that she was falling ill and insisted that she ride in a separate carriage behind Lambert and Dimitri so she wouldn’t spread her sickness. Patricia thinks she may actually become sick with the dreadful anticipation weighing on her shoulders.

She doesn’t know when exactly it will happen, but she knows it will be soon. With every turn of the carriage wheels, she feels the urge to jump out increasing. Will Dimitri be fine without her? Will Lambert? ‘What if’s swirl in her mind, fogging up all her coherent thoughts and drowning out the sound of the coach speaking.

Patricia imagines Lambert, with Dimitri held in his strong arms, mourning for her. She thinks of Dimitri, imagines his soft voice.  _ “You promised you’d protect me.” _

She’s drawn out of her thoughts by the carriage jolting to a stop. It’s terribly silent and all she can hear is the  _ thump, thump, thump _ of her heart in her chest. She wants to ask the coach why they’ve stopped because  _ what if this is it _ , but she finds her words frozen on her tongue.

Then, she hears it--faint at first, but then louder. There’s a terrible crashing noise, then the shouts of soldiers and guards issuing commands, and finally-- _ Goddess _ \--the screams.  _ What is going on _ ? Patricia thinks. She nearly opens the carriage door to check, but the coach shoots her a look, keeping her still in the velvet seat.

Her hands are shaking.  _ Dimitri and Lambert Dimitri and Lambert Dimitri and Lambert, _ it’s all that she can think of. She’s terrified for them, for Rodrigue’s eldest, for the kind guards, and for everyone else. All of a sudden, the door is swung open. Patricia braces herself for a sword or axe to come swinging down upon her, but instead--

“Sister. It’s time.”

The man who stands before her calls her sister, but that’s not Volkhard. It can’t be… The man who stands before her is  _ not _ her brother. His eyes are white, lacking both pupil and iris and his skin has a complexion similar to his stark white hair. 

“ _ Patricia _ . We do not have time to waste. Go! Now!” snaps the man, who is definitely not Volkhard.

Patricia finds her feet moving, sliding off the carriage bed and onto the dry soil of Duscar. She’s meet with a sight she wishes she hadn’t seen. The world is on fire, carriages are toppled, and the corpses of knights are strewn across the area. The stench of burning flesh is overwhelming. She sees terrifying men wearing all black along with masks that have a long, black beak extending from them.

She hears a strangled scream, which is cut off by sobbing. A child’s scream.  _ Dimitri _ .  _ You promised you promised you promised _ . Patricia stops. Turns around. Staggers in the direction of her son. She has to protect him.  _ You promised you promised you promised. _

The man grabs her arm, pulling her backward. “Are you inept? Where are you going?”

Patricia allows herself to be dragged in the opposite direction, but she feels her mind screaming at her break free and go to Dimitri. The world is spinning and her eyes water, though she’s sure it isn’t just because of the smoke.

“But… Lambert.  _ Dimitri _ . They--he needs me--”

“You made your decision,” the man snarls, cutting her off. “Now you must live with it.”

As they walk further and further away from the madness, she’s faintly aware that the roar of chaos is getting quieter. Yet the sound of sobbing feels just as loud as when she first heard it.

_ I’m sorry, _ she thinks.  _ I couldn’t protect you.  _

**Author's Note:**

> dimitri: she loved me as if i was her own child  
cornelia: she never loved you  
me: bruh wtf SOMEONE TELL ME THE TRUTH U CANT JUST DROP THIS IN A RANDOM BATTLE CONVO CMON
> 
> So yeah, this story incorporates the Patricia that Dimitri talked about. This is one of the biggest things that I feel like the game has really left us in the dark about. Seriously, who was Patricia? Did she actually love Dimitri or what? What happened to her? I kind of wish we got to see her in either CF or AM, assuming she's still alive.
> 
> I just really wanted to write about her and the role she played in the Tragedy, so this was typed up on my phone one night. It's a bit short, but I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Come check out my tumblr at @orangeejuice and my twitter @orangeejuiceren


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